How a fear of abandonment becomes a reality

February 10, 2020

 

There are so many childhood reasons why someone could have a deeply imbedded and unconscious fear of abandonment that stays with them for life.

Parents who were neglectful or withheld love or nurturing, adoption, or actual abandonment by a mother or a father can result in a fear, a deep insecure feeling that people you love will leave. This can wreak havoc on the nervous system, keeping you on high alert which leads to an inability to relax. This is a very complex subject, so there’s more, but the point is, this can cause a lot of anxiety.

Now, when this is going on unconsciously, down deep there is a fear of abandonment and a lot of anxiety as well, what happens is that we unknowingly can continue perpetuating abandonment without realizing it. This is very sad, because abandonment is so painful, and when the fear is there the last thing someone needs is MORE abandonment.

This information is not designed to victim shame in any way, it’s designed to bring awareness to this very sensitive subject. I have seen in my own life, as well as my clients, we don’t KNOW consciously how the trauma of abandonment keeps us stuck in painful cycles. It’s not about “fault.” It’s about how fears and beliefs actually work, because ONLY when someone becomes aware that they have internalized a belief, and becomes aware that they are keeping it going, that they can really heal and stop the painful cycles in their life. This information is simply meant to bring awareness to begin that healing.

👉Here’s 5 major things we can do when we have a deep fear of abandonment that we’re unaware of:

⭐️We can isolate ourselves, which cuts us of from the connection we need.

⭐️We can become people pleasers to such a degree that we attract “takers” that demand we give to exhaustion or risk abandonment, so we can either become trapped in those relationships, OR we do set boundaries and they leave.

Then, we can isolate more because relationships themselves become something associated with pain.

⭐️We can become great takers who exhaust people to the point of abandoning us over and over.

⭐️We can become overly critical of others in a way that pushes anyone who gets close away.

⭐️We can become so needy that so much burden is put on others to “prove their love,” which they feel like they can never do to satisfaction, so they leave.

The point here is that deep trauma, which has led to a very insecure feeling, comes up and actually CREATES abandonment because relationships themselves, in one way or another, can actually be very triggering.

When we can’t see HOW we’re perpetuating it, we just live in an “everyone leaves me” reality. But, when we can see that we were deeply wounded, developed coping mechanisms to keep us feeling safe, and can finally see how the actual truth MAY BE that most people really don’t WANT to abandon you, and they WANT to love you, but you may not be letting them…

Then, you may begin seeing a glimmer of hope. Because if the world isn’t abandoning you, but you are in some way abandoning the world, then you have the awareness to create something new for yourself. Perhaps love and connection is not something that will continue to elude you, but something that’s possible with some healing work.

It is you know. It is possible.

I hope this shines some light for you.

I know this is a complex subject, but a little awareness goes a long way. I’m here to serve you, always, and believe me, I’ve been there. Healing is not easy, but it’s easier than continuing to put yourself and your heart through more abandonment. It’s worth doing the work to have the love and connection that you need so much.

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