I'm a big believer in the 80/20 rule.
You see, I have learned that this realm, this earthly realm that we all share, is NOT about absolutes. It's about contrast. We're here to experience the dark and the light, the ups and downs, all of it. Because only with contrast can we experience something, and I do mean, TRULY EXPERIENCE.
Working with your own consciousness is not about getting rid of "all things painful." You can't anyway. It's about integrating and learning from all experiences.
Most people I meet live in more than 90% fear. Fear is the motivator, the driver of actions, reactions, patterns, cycles, and suffering. The desire to get rid of fear of course doesn't work, and keeps us stuck for years in some cases, positively affirming and chanting mantras that are nothing more than a temporary band-aid.
But, I've noticed when one begins to heal, it starts with reaching a tipping point. You go from 5-10% feeling good and trusting life, and living in truth to 20%. Then you learn more, have more insights, and you jump to 40%. And so on, until you hit the point where you're living in love and truth slightly more than you're living in fear.
For most people I talk to, living in love and truth 80% of the time sounds like heaven, and can still allow for the 20% fear and pain, which will come up here and there every time you step out of your comfort zone, or in some case like the death of a loved one. Pain in that situation means that they were in your heart, and it will hurt to lose them.
So, when you make room for those hurts, you make room to love, to go for your dreams, to have deeper intimacy and connection, and expand and change, and experience all the beauty of life.